Interpersonal conflict
I was working in a clinic as a part time clinic assistant during the school holidays. As I was new and inexperienced, there were many things I had to learn from scratch. There was once I was told I had to work with A, whom I had never met before. Initially I thought it might be a good chance to know more people but my first impression of her didn’t turn out well.
I was working the night-shift with A . When I first saw her, I tried greeting her by calling her name and saying hi. However her response was a cold, curt nod with barely a glance at me. As we were the only two clinic assistant around, I hoped the situation wouldn’t be so tense. I tried to create conversation by asking more about her, such as where she stayed and how long she had been working. Her responses were always laconic one-worded utterances.
Later in the evening, A went out for dinner, leaving me alone in the clinic and unfortunately several patients came after she left. Since I was inexperienced with the drugs, I wasn’t confident enough to dispense the medication without her around. I panicked and quickly called her. It was only after some time that I saw her strolling into the clinic with a pack of dinner. The patients gave me irritated looks because they couldn’t get their medicine after seeing the doctor. As I was rushing to settle patients bill and medication, there was a female patient who came in and sat there. I was busy at that point of time and didn’t remember if that female patient had been registered into the system. Thus I went to ask A, who was eating her packed dinner if that particular patient was registered, A replied me yes. In the end it turned out the patient was not registered and she started ranting about my inefficiency, in coarse language, and even flung at me the card she had written her name on. I felt pretty upset over this incident and complained to my parents about it. However I did not raise this issue to anyone in the clinic because I felt that I was a newcomer and did not want to create any tensions between colleagues. But I had a bad impression about her after that especially when I knew I would be working with her.
I guess in this issue the main problem could be a breakdown in communication between A and myself. There could be many reasons why A was treating me in this manner. Perhaps she was feeling down and did not wish to talk to me, or she may dislike newcomers, etc. On the other side, I had prejudice against her because of her attitude towards me. Thus, in facing such a situation, how would you have handled it?
posted by Eileen @ 10:58 AM
7 Comments
7 Comments:
Hello Eileen,
In my humble opinion (IMHO), correct me if you do not think so, you have made 2 mistakes.
First mistake. You should not greet your senior with "Hi." at the first place. It is because you do not know her character yet. Instead, you should smile and greet her by simply saying: "Good evening.". Formal way of approaching people is the safest way, especially someone you do not know. Same goes for job interview as well. When both of you are close enough, then you can start using "hi", "hello", "yo", etc.
Second mistake. Although you already knew A's name, you still have to ask her: "How may i address you?" Some people prefer different name for different people. Example: As a boss, Mr.XXX would like his employees to call him Mr.XXX. By calling him Mr.XXX, the employees will always remember that he is their boss and the employees will work with cautious. Thus, Mr.XXX can lead the company successfully. As a friend, Mr.XXX would prefer his friends call him Dick (Christian name). It will make Mr.XXX and his friend feel closer.
If i were you, i will greet A again next day by saying "Good evening." with a smile. Then i will ask A: "How may i address you? Dr. Ryan told me that i can call you Jojo but i am not so sure that should i do the same?"
Hope these help.
Cheers,
Ryan
Hi Eileen,
From my point of view, you did nothing wrong to cause such rude responses from her.
If I am in your shoes, I will set my prejudice against her aside. Instead of talking to her directly again, I will find out more about her from other colleagues. Perhaps then, I may understand what she did and why she did it.
If that did not help, I will try to talk to her through work related stuff. Perhaps asking for help in certain areas, getting closer to her. Then I will find a chance to join her on her table for a meal, trying to be friends with her.
In my opinion, if you are to work with someone for a long time, you should try to set aside the first impressions of her. Try to get to know her better before judging her.
With regards,
Pak Ming
Hello Eileen,
In my opinion, A must be in a bad mood on that day. What you can do maybe talk to other colleagues to know more things about her. There must be a reason why she behaves like this.
What’s more, the next day when you see her, try to be even nicer although she may not give you any feedback. Usually it is very hard for people to resist kindness. If you continue to be nice to her, she may feel sorry to behave like that.
In addition, if some other day you find she is in a good mood, try to talk more to her. May be she will change her attitude toward you.
Last but not least, do her some favors. For example, buy her a cup of coffee, or help her to buy lunch, etc. This may help you to get along with her.
Hope my suggestions will help.
Cheers,
Danhua
Hi Eileen,
I do not think you were at fault. It was rather unfair of A to neglect her job and give you wrong information on the registered patients.
How I feel you could have handled the situation: you could have tried to tell A that you are having difficulty managing the work as you are still inexperienced and that it will be great if she could teach you. This might make her realize your difficult position and drive her into helping you.
It could also be that A finds it difficult to be around people she doesn’t know, so you could try being nice to her by going with her for lunch or get her drinks etc. this might break the ice between the both of you.
Hope this helps:D
Cheers,
Keerth
To Ryan: Really? I didn't realise that "hi" was too informal. Thanks for telling me. I always thought any greeting is sufficient enough when i see them. But for B, I thought calling her name directly would make our relationship grow closer, apparently I am wrong.
To Pak Ming: Haha.Ok I will try your method.
To Dan Hua and Keerth : I had actually tried these methods e.g buying her snacks and helping her get things that she need etc but she still seem quite cold toward me, sometimes I just run out of topic to talk to her.
To Keerth: Thanks for enlightening me. I think I should really tell her my difficulty.
Hi Eileen,
IMHO again, honestly, i dont think all the people in the world want to have close relationship with each other. In this case, maybe A is one of them. Example, some of "my friends". Some of "my friends" dont really want to have close relationship with me because, i think, i'm some kind of "cheapskate".
Do you want to have close relationship with a cheapskate??
Just kidding. :P
Cheers,
Ryan
Hey Ryan
You were right but afterall she's a colleagues and at times it's unavoidable. I guess I just had to put more effort in creating a better relationship with her.
Regards
Eileen
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